ADVANCING HEALTH-CARE PRACTICE

3.3     Susan's Story

It was my D&A counsellor that was able to steer me in the right direction. I went to her and said 'Look. Once I get myself home, I'm still worried about having to deal with my ex. I don't know what to do'. And, my big concern was him coming and not being able to get rid of him, and him moving back in. All these things were going through my head. And she's going 'You still haven't gotten over this', and I said 'No, I haven't. And I truly believe that I will use again, if I don't get to the bottom of this.

If this ten week support group for women who have experienced violence, didn't come up, I can honestly say that a month or two down the road I would have ended up using again. What did really help me was when I had to look at what type of person I was before the relationship and what happened to me during the relationship. How he was able to convince me that I was no good, and nobody else would look at me. And that he was the best I was ever going to get. And that if I didn't watch out, he was going to go out and find someone else.

And when I did finally get out of the relationship, I didn't feel good about anything. I was a failure as a mother, I was a drug addict. I was in horrible shape. I'd lost so much weight. I was old looking, haggard looking. I'd lost all my friends. I was nothing. I didn't think I was going to make it. It's pretty tormenting. And to think that somebody can brainwash you to that extreme, or beat the hell out of you to that extreme. If it wasn't for my son constantly saying 'I love you Mommy. I need you, Mommy' I would have given up and just died. I think my parents had even given up on me.